Time to back to my forest

I'm writing an essay about  feminism in Bolivia and how bolivian women suffer because of sexism and feminism misunderstood. It's a little bit difficult to write in another language besides spanish but I'm trying and I think I'm doing a great effort. I want to make my dreams happen, sometimes the fear comes to me and doesn't  let me sleep, but I have faith in God and I'm starting to love myself, I know I have a great potential and all I need is to persevere the activities that I decided to do.

Enough of feeling pity about myself, also I don't want anyone feel pity about me, I'm starting an internal journey, the things are not going to be easy even this time, it's hard to let go my own fears, but I'm trying and I'll keep on trying until I feel completely free.

I love forests, their remind me a beautiful dream that I had and I still have it. I have skin and I'm scared about the future but I know it's going to be awesome. 

Source: 0libertine0.tumblr.com via Kaye on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Kaye on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via MARBLELIFE on Pinterest

Source: sunsurfer.tumblr.com via ♥ Jevel Wedding Planning | Jennifer E Wilson ♥ on Pinterest

Source: mostbeautifulpages.com via Christine on Pinterest

 Bianka

A Gentle anarchist

Read this lovely poem by James Brunton Stephens.

The Gentle Anarchist

I am a gentle Anarchist,
I couldn't kick a dog,
Nor ever would for sport assist
To pelt the helpless frog.
I'd shoot a Czar, or wreck a train,
Blow Parliament sky-high,
But none could call me inhumane;
I wouldn't hurt a fly.
I wouldn't hurt a fly,
And why indeed should I?
It has neither land nor pelf
That I covet for myself,
Then wherefore should I hurt a fly?

I am a gentle Anarchist,
I live on herbs and fruits;
It don't become a communist
To eat his fellow-brutes.
I'd fire a town, upset a state,
Make countless widows weep,
Yet I am so compassionate
I wouldn't kill a sheep,
I wouldn't hurt a fly;
And why indeed should I?
If it doesn't interfere
With my personal career,
Why the dickens should I hurt a fly?

I'm such a gentle Anarchist
I hate all hunting men;
I couldn't hook a fish, or twist
The neck of cock or hen.
I'd level gaols, let scoundrels loose,
Blow priests and churches up—
But, oh, my pity's so profuse
I couldn't drown a pup.
I wouldn't hurt a fly;
And why indeed should I?
Unless, that is to say,
I found it in my way,
And then it's all up with the fly.

James Brunton Stephens

Let's make it!

I keep struggling with the wrong idea that I need someone in my life, a friend wanted me to "open my eyes" and  see that I truly need a lover.... No, this is not the moment to be with someone, why? As I said before, I'm living a catharsis, I need to love myself first to have confidence in me, besides I still have emotional luggage from the past. A relationship doesn't define your life and I don't think I'm wasting time for not giving me the opportunity to have a relationship with someone, right now I can't give anything to anyone.

And I'm missing my ex very much  but it's not a couple desire, it's a friend desire, I really want to talk to him and telling all the things that are happening in my life and I want to know how is he. I realized that  both of us had  fault  in our break up. I will talk to him when I feel peace inside. I wish the best for him.

The time is comming!! Not the end of the world, but my time is coming! I will tell you in later posts.
And about the picture, I need to take me photos in another place and not always in my car hehehe but I really like it.

Blessings


Bianka

Saudade

Listen to this mix, if you love Bossa nova, jazz and latin music, you will love it. I started to feel a little bit nostalgic however these songs are making me dance.

saudade from madelinemarrrie on 8tracks Radio.

Don't feel hate, forget all bad experiences, smile. 

Bianka 

Friendship bracelets

I'm trying to write an essay , I have to write 4 essays, and the time is coming to send them to different places!! Also I have personal issues that I feel I can't solve them, but with the help God I will achieve them. But, besides my problems, I wanted to show you this friendship bracelets tutorials that I found on Pinterest, I love them and if I could wear 20 in each wrist I would do it.

Source: bywilma.com via Olivia on Pinterest

Source: blog.modcloth.com via Denise on Pinterest

Source: lifeofcarbon.wordpress.com via Hannah on Pinterest

Source: michaelannmade.com via Kali on Pinterest

Source: friendship-bracelets.net via Teeny on Pinterest

It's time to send messages in flowers petals.

Fish kisses :)

Bianka

The hummingbird's beliefs

Source: 26.media.tumblr.com via Joan on Pinterest

The first thing I want to write on this post is that I truly have faith in God, now a days, that belief is dying as a result of fake people who traffic with God's sacred things turning them in horrible lies. For me, it's hard to be a person who believe in God, anarchy and feminism, because non of those labeled people can understand the union of these verbs that are adjetives and nouns too.

In older posts I wrote about how lonely I was in my beliefs and I still feel that. I'm trying to fight for my freedom, I write phrases, paragraph to make people understand that anarchy it's a way of life and not a punk philosophy that wants to disturb and destroy people's life. Anarchy wants to disturb people's repressed minds; have you ever thought you're living a lie and all the problems you have is because your lack of freedom? You're not free if you buy things you don't need, if you get drunk just because your friends do, you're not free if you can't say something that some people would not accept, if you have a sick dependency on your cell phones, i pad, i pods.... You don't need those things to be cool.

Most of the time, human beings create false needs in this global society, most of the people feel empty and they don't know why. I will write more posts about anarchism because it's an amazing ideology ( I'm not trying to persuade people to belive in anarchy, people are free of believe in everything), you'll see how  really is the anarchy world. 

This is my place where I can write freely about how I see life.

Bianka

When the silence has to appear?

Source: weareallstarstuff.tumblr.com via Lucy on Pinterest

I just realized that I have attention problems, every time I have to write o read in the computer I do other things like watching a video, pin some images on pinterest, staying on facebook, reading all the stupidities you've ever read in your whole life, reading about my contact's personal problems... And I have a good advice for you (if you are a facebook addict) Please, don't write about your personal conflicts, about your breakups on your status, it's your private life and unfortunately no one cares about your problems, excluding your family or your close friends; but, you think what about the other contacts? Well the human being is curious and tends to be a gossipmonger... And if you write something about your life that is hurting you and you want to get over it, don't write on facebook. I learned something in these months: You don't have to make others feel pitty about you and your life, you're strong, you're intelligent and you are a  divine's creation (eventhough you are atheist in some point of your life you will feel sacred and you will feel the need to believe in something or someone besides you).

Analize your life and please, don't be a sheep, think in a critical way, stop believing lies, make your own history, make your own rules, fight for your freedom, however you have to be careful not to kill other's freedom during your journey.

I want make the blog more dynamic, there will be all kind of posts, about indie fashion, retro fashion, photography, music, you'll see.

Deep hugs!

Bianka

Ooh it's a quite cold monday

Source: prophotos.ru via Oksanna on Pinterest

These days are so cold but not a winter cold it's a rainy cold. All I want to do is to stay in my bed and read a good book, but , I need to start writing an essay for my Master degree application.

I feel good, sometimes sad, sometimes curious, sometimes sleepy, sometimes smily. I'm a roller coaster of feelings, it's hard to be rejected but I'm leaving little by little part of my luggage. I'm praying a lot, I don't feel hate but I'm human and I can't understand a few things.... I will write about my cathartic journey in  later entries. And when I feel no sadness but only a good esteem about the past I would be able to talk to my ex boyfriend again, I wish him the best and I will pray for him to find his way.  He was not the only one who suffered these months.

Smile and be polite.

Bianka

I needed to hear that fact

Well, I closed the chapter and it still hurts, I made a hard decision...If I want to leave the past behind I need to forget, nevertheless, I had good moments but this is now, this is me, I still had the hope to comeback with my ex boyfriend but today he told me he doesn't love me anymore...

When you love someone you can't stop loving that person... I cried and I felt guilty but it was not my fault.

It's time for a new beginning

Bianka

Caresses

These days are so crazy, I have many things to write and do, it's not easy to pursue your dreams but I won't and I don't want to give up. I'm sending mails to everywhere and I know that I'm going to make it!

There is pressure but that's the motivation to keep going. 
Here you have a video of my favorite band. It's EMEFE, you're going to love it, they are amazing.




Dance with your hands, the past had good moments but the future will be wonderful if you are happy and fight for your dreams now.

Bianka

Cautious search

I started looking for a job again, but there is something  that makes me feel very excited and I can't say until it happens. I'm inspired and I want to write, what things? You'll see in this week. 

I don't have money in my pockets, I have 2 debts and no job, but I'm quiet. I realized there are more important things to care about.

Here you have a video of my favorite song in 2000.


It's time to make anarchy.

Bianka

This is me

I quit the job, I didn't feel well there and it wasn't because the people who work there it's just that job it's not for me. Last thursday when the former librarian was explaining me what things I must do there I was questioning myself if that job was for me, if I'm going to be happy with the things I'm going to do, then, I was walking through the stone path, feeling sad, I wanted to cry right there, I was not happy, a whole year doing the inventary, the paperwork and accounting, a whole year to earn enough money to pay my trip for my master degree. At the beginning when I accepted the job I was thinking "I don't care if I have to do things that I don't like the only thing that is going to worth is that I'm going  to save money and buy the things that I want" but I was wrong, this whole week I was feeling bad, I was thinking that I was killing my freedom because I was not doing what I like to do. I studied education sciences, I love to work with people through workshops in order to improve the kind of living of their communities, I love to write essays, I love to make educative researchs, ideological analysis, I love make educational projects, I love to create through my writings, I want to make a revolution, I want to live what I write, I want to make people understand that having leaders are not the way to have a better society.

 I realized that I can not lie to myself,  I would feel miserable if I earn good money but doing things that I hate. I didn't study 5 fucking years my career, to work  with numbers, sitting in front of the desk, recieving orders from people who thinks your job is easy...

So I decided to quit because I didn't feel happy doing something that is not me. I need urgently money but I don't care if I find a job that I like but it's no well payed. I want to love what I do.

Everybody said that I was a coward and it was going to be a good challenge for me, some said that I was irresponsable, that I was going to be a loser, that life it's not fair, that if you want to make money you have to do many things you hate, that I was going to get used to that job....

In life, in school our parents, teachers and the rest of the society tells us to be the best, that we have to be winners and not losers. We have to compete with the others to have more money, a better social status; but, this is what  we really want to be?

Why are there losers? Why are there winners in this society?

Right now I'm thinking what I'm going to do, I feel more inspired and now, I know what I want to do in my life :)

Bianka

Birthday and spirits

Yesterday was my brothers birthday, we went to a pub called Casablanca, we ate nachos with cheese and we drank wine, it wasn't a good one but we had fun chatting with friends and listenning to a jazz band.

Today, at work the former librarian told me that there are spirits in the school and I should no worry about, she said that they're nice... mmm I won't stay there at night I don't care if they get me fired!

I'm frightened and it's not only the spirits stuff it's because that job requires to do many things and I don't like to do inventary... I need to pray a lot, I don't want to quit this job, I really need the money but I don't know if this is the right job for me.... We'll see...

Make sound!

A year ago I wrote names in that table, yesterday I added an arrow in each name.

Wine and nachos.

A jazz band that played in that bar.

Me, I love my ring :)

When I was leaving work it started to rain, and the sky was so beautiful that took a picture of it.




Bianka

First day at work

Who said that the job of a librarian was easy? Well, it's not. Today was my first day at work, I woke up earlier, wait the bus and walk through a stone path. Well, there are many things to do there, also you have deal with everybody, I know that I'm not very social with people and it's hard for me talk and be nice with people... There are many challenges there and I know with God's help I will achieve them, I have a year to do it! I'm really frightened but I know I can handle it I have great support from God, my family and a few friends.

Here are some pictures of this day.

The stone path.

My work place.

Me, in that moment a girl jut came in and I moved the camera, she was laughing...

And more books, I couldn't finish to place them in the shelves...

Breathe deep and don't worry about anything just keep going.

Bianka

Tomorrow is the day

Source: thefancy.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Tomorrow is my first day of job, I'm really nervous, I'm going to the librarian of an american school and this will be my first serious job.  I have to get up earlier than I used to and I have to sacrify my naps... hahahha I know I'm a lazy girl but I love naps, anyway, wish me luck, tomorrow I will take pictures if I don't forget my camera.

Have a good sunday night :)

Bianka

A lovely video :)

This video made my day, it's an interesting experience to talk to children specially if they are 1, 2, 3 and 4 years.

Watch this video of this adorable baby named Birdie.

CONVERSATIONS WITH BIRDIE / EPISODE 02. from BLEUBIRD VIDEOS on Vimeo.

Awkward funny night

Yesterday night I met with my friends Nona and Marisol, at the beginning we wanted to go to Oxid, a bar that plays electronic music, but we changed our minds and went to La Troje, it's nice place but the first fridays of every month is really crowded. I got a little anxious because I don't like to be surrounded by many people, and you couldn't walk freely and when you are in a crowded place, something happens... I accidently touched, unintentionally, a guy's something private... And believe me it's embarrassing  when that person is looking at you as an stalker... I said sorry and  I walked away... Then My sister, my friend Marisol and I wanted to dance and we went to a place called La Tirana and guess what, It was closed! Then it started to rain and there was no cab, we got wet and decided to go home. Here are some pictures of yesterday.

My friend Marisol and I.

My beautiful friend Marisol.

Me, Nona and Marisol.

I like this picture :)

These days are awkward, I'm nervious, sad, angry and I wish I were to another place... like in a Berlin café chatting with a dear friend who lives in Europe, he is now in Berlin, he was in a café with his girlfriend, and he was chatting with me by facebook, he told me he was there and I asked him if he could tell me how that place looked like, he was kind enough to explain every single detail.

These days I don't have any advice to give you, sorry. 

Blogs I love to read

It's the second day of 2013 and I'm ok , a little bit nervous of what is coming but I will handle it the God's help.

This post is dedicated to the blogs I love to read. These bloggers are amazing and dedicated to their blogs and I wish someday I will meet them.

So here are the blogs I love to read:

Source: vintageportalen.se via Bianka on Pinterest

Jessica Silversaga from vintageportalen , she is a very talented photographer, you should see her work.

Source: freelancersfashion.blogspot.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Ulrika from freelancersfashion , she is a graphic designer, burlesque dancer and I love her style.

Source: keikolynn.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Keiko Lynn from keikolynn , she is a clothing designer and I love her make up!

Source: strawberrykoi.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Aya from strawberrykoi , she is a graphic designer, photographer, house wife, illustrator.Her outfits are lovely and her pictures too!  

Source: vixen-vintage.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Solanah from vixen vintage , she is a vintage model, I love her dresses, her pictures and the trips that she does.

There are many blogs that I love to read and I won't finish the post if I mention them. 

Cover your face with a sheet and leave the things that you can't fix, sometimes is not good to force a meeting.

Bianka