End of the year!

Ésta es una entrada  especial porque está escrita en castellano, el idioma que escuché desde el vientre y que no es mío pero al mismo tiempo lo es... Es una contradicción pero mi vida está llena de contradicciones.

Quisiera  hacer una retrospectiva de forma pedagógica de lo que pasó en éste año:

• Aprendí a no estar segura de algo, nada es para siempre. 
• Aprendí a no hacer planes porque nada de lo que planeas se cumple. 
• Conocí a buenas personas que trataron de apoyarme en los momentos de ruptura. 
• Aprendí que cuando dejas de desesperarte por el mañana todas las puertas se abren para un futuro mejor. 
• Aprendí que es importante defender lo que piensas a pesar de que la mayoría digan que no tienes la razón. 
• Aprendí a que es bueno reaccionar ante una injusticia pero no es bueno estar a la defensiva todo el tiempo. 
• Aprendí a que no está bien gritar todo el tiempo e insultar sin ningún motivo. 
• Aprendí a que la vida de un animal es igual de importante que la de un humano. 
• Cimenté la idea de que todavía no encuentro mi lugar. 
• Conocí muy buenas bandas de jazz e indie rock. 
• Aprendí a bailar Drum & Bass.

La verdad es que aprendí a no ser ingenua, me convertí en alguien más fuerte pero más dura y desconfiada.

Espero que éste 2013 sea fabuloso, se que no será un año fácil pero con Dios podré cumplir mis sueños. Que éste año sea lleno de sorpresas lindas para mi y las personas que amo.

Besos en  sus almas y en sus ojos.

Bianka

Someday somehow

Yesterday I went to a party that made one of my mom's friend, that lady is so nice and she has 5 children, all grown up. That party was in order to celebrate her grand daughter's catholic baptism, she's a month and she was born in France, her daughter married with a nice man from the South of France. But, let's put behind all those things, the purpose of this post  it's something that I struggle when I go to a party or a disco...
Guys, the alcohol it's not my thing,  I don't like to drink to have fun or become wild, I love to drink wine but sweet wine,  and San Mateo but that's it. Yesterday one of my mom's friend daughter  told me that I was waisting my time, that I need to have fun and drink. I look at her, she's 33 years old, she has a twin sister, and no boyfriend, she regrets having lost her 5 years ago boyfriend, she tells me every single time that I need to meet new people and have many boyfriends and stop being so bitter because, she says, she was like me...

First of all I don't drink too many alcohol when I go to parties ... Anyway, she said that she's desperate, she wants to have a relationship, she wants to have kids and she doesn't want to be alone...

Will I be like her?  I hope not, I don't know if I'm going to live until that age, I even don't know what is going to happen tomorrow... I only know that I'll leave this world until I finish a project that is building piece by piece. You know, I always think about death, my own death and if it's up to me I would die this moment... But I think that I have  something to leave here, something inmortal...Maybe, a girl, in the future, would read my words in old pages or in a website and she will feel comfortable having someone who had felt the same as she did... The same way like I feel about Stig Dagerman, a lovely writer, everytime that I read his work I think he's talking to me, he committed suicide...

I know, that is a kind of dark post, but it's my blog and I write what I want and let's admit it no one read this blog but I keep on writing it  because it's the only way that I feel alive, writing about my contradictory world, full of misticsm, deities, revolutions and chaos.

And finally, I have to say that I lost hope... A bad hope.


Bianka

I blame my dad for my good taste in music

When I was 4 years old I used to follow my dad everywhere because he was my hero, well, he's still my hero. I love him very much and we are connected somehow, eventhough our personalities are different my mom says that when I smile trying to hide a lie my lips have a strange form like my dad, she says.

He is a musician and he used listen to wonderful bands like Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin. Metallica, WASP, Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne, Pearl Jam, Queen and other bands. I used to read his Guitar Player magazines, eventhough in that time I didn't know english I quiet understand the articles using an English Spanish dictionary, when I read an article about a funk rock band called Primus, the article was very amusing and after 11 years I had the joy to listen to them and I completely loved their music. Here are some videos of them.

Remember don't let anyone tell you what to do and what to like.

Bianka

Red Hair

I like red hairs and I'm thinking to dye my hair the next year, I want a strong red but I know that it's kind of expensive keep that color in your hair besides the care you need to keep it healthy.

Here are my favourite red hair pictures, I found them on  pinterest

Bianka

 

Source: weheartit.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Source: heretique.net via Amber on Pinterest

Source: letmebeyour-juliet.tumblr.com via Lauren-Ashley on Pinterest

Source: pinup-doll.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

Source: jelfred.tumblr.com via Edelphyra on Pinterest

Days of Christmas

These days were so crazy, I did a lot of things, I performed in my church's drama, I was the angel Gabriel and I completely forgot the script... But I looked good as an angel, but I love to act as the devil I don't why... hahaha. Yesterday we had dinner with my family, my lovely aunt, my cousin his girlfriend and a friend. We ate a lot, but it was a nice time of sharing and giving thanks to God for all the good things that he gave us in these days. Here are some pictures, merry christmas :) And I say again, christmas is not gifts it's something more and you have to figure it out.

 Here are some pictures:

 Me in sunday morning, that day we were going to church to see the drama that the lovely kids of sunday school made .

My family, yesterday at the dinner.

My sister and my lovely aunt Carla.

My beautiful mom and my little nephew.

 My sister in law serving dessert.

My cousin, his girlfriend, my brother and a family friend.


I feel a little bit tired, there is something that is fighting in my mind...

I hope you had a very good christmas, kiss on the nose.

Bianka

Milo Greene

Milo Greene is an indie folk band formed in Los Angeles, California. Milo Greene is a quintet; they have lovely songs and the most interesting thing is that the band made a film called Moddisson , the film is very amusing the actors don't speak and the only sound you hear is the several songs, from the album, that acclimate each scene. Here you have a song of the band, the film and my favorite video called 1957.

I like that band very much because they're very talented and they did a great job recording these wonderful songs. Listen to them, you will love it :)


Christmas is coming, remember you don't need to give gifts, you have to remember what christmas really is.

Bianka

Mamma I'm on tv!

Yesterday I got an interview on Bolivian tv, I talked about the research I made and I had the pleasure to meet one of the greatest bolivan writers; she is Gaby Vallejo and her thesis from 1985 inspired me to make a second part of that research. I talked in a past post what was my thesis about and I'm really proud of that. Yesterday I had a great time, I talked about bolivian books, about writers and about religions... Sometimes it's not a good idea to talk about your doubts about bible, people might not understand what you're talking about.

It was a nice time I hope I have the interview to show you.

Write a poem on the ground.

 And about the picture it's one of the few that I look funny :P

Bianka

With the fluuuu

These days I've been sick, I have a cold, Yesterday I couldn't breathe and now, I'm coughing a lot! But I'm good, I have some news to give you, but that will be later, after the "End of the world"!! hahahaha.  Right now I don't want to say anything, just few people know about that.

I need to read a lot of texts and books, becau'se I haven't read anything 2 weeks ago, well, I read a beautiful tale by Julio Cortázar but that's it. I need to improve my academical reading and I want to start to write academical essays.

Even with the flu I'm feeling a kind of peace, I'm a little bit scared about the future but I know that I'll be ok with the help of God.

Listen to these songs posted by Mason Jar Music, I like them very much!

Kisses, giant kisses!

Bianka

Where's my place?

And that's right, yesterday I went to a party, the music was good and that's all. I didn't like it... The truth is: I feel I don't belong anywhere, I know it's sounds like a teenage thought, but I always have felt like an outcast, that's why I don't have many friends, I don't drink alcohol to feel happy, I think that people who wants to feel happy drinking alcohol are just weak, I don't need to drink many beers to do wild things, I can be crazy, happy without alcohol... Well, you might say that I'm like a boring Christian but I even don't feel good at church... I hate religions and I believe in anarchy but I have faith in God I see God from another perspective. Sometimes, I think that I shouldn't have borned, because I don't see any place my place and I don't see people like friends...

Today was the garage sale at the church I attend. I helped to sell, it was a good time, even though I was sleepy because I went to that party until 2 in the morning...

Right now I have a cold, I can't breathe and I don't know I feel a little bit upset, about what? About everything.

Look at the moon, if you're in Cochabamba you can see that it has a gothic spirit.

Bianka

If we could sleep in a head

Today I had another job interview, I was really mad because I had to walk a lot to get there, the interview was good and they accepted the salary that I asked but I realized that I won't save enough money for my trip, pay my food, pay the bills with that salary besides that institution can pay more. They called me in the afternoon saying that they want another interview and I'm going to say what I'm thinking right, the place is a little bit far and there are a lot of dogs!! The job seems to be interesting, but I have my doubts...

I was so tired because I walked like a mile with high heels in a stone road... Bad choice, my feet really hurt me.  I was all the afternoon with my legs up as I was cheking my facebook, I hate that social network but I can't close it! There are many reasons that I will talk about later.

Look a this video, I used like to listen Incubus, I was completely crazy about the singer and when I was 14 there was a boy that looks like the Incubus singer, I used to look at him with a smile, it was so funny, because I told him that he had a good voice and he could sing like the Incubus singer... bad idea... He didn't sing well but he was cute hahahaha.  Wow, I remember all the things I did when I was 14, an interesting age, I was a shy girl but I met interesting people :)


Bianka

Bi needs a job

Today I went to a job interview, I was very nervous but I think I did it well... I need urgently a job because I need to save money for my trip and my master degree, I sent to many places my curriculum and I know that I'll find a good job. Unfortunately, jobs here in Bolivia are not well paid. I studied education sciencies and there are not many jobs for my profesion and I'm struggling with that. Wish me luck, I really need it!

Eat bassil with cheese and pasta!

Bianka

A poem

Read this lovely poem by Dylan Thomas, it's called "And the Death Shall Have no Dominion". And  if you wonder who are in this picture I shall say that the only one who is alive is a friend of mine, a lovely lady called Emma, she is an amazing woman and this poem is dedicated to her.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead man naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Dylan Thomas

 

Bianka

I regret one thing

Yesterday I walked through the streets and something happened, I started to feel sad at the beginning, when I was looking to a little boy helping his mom, she was cooking with spoiled vegetables to give her son to eat, she was selling french fries, hamburguers in a tiny space outside the stadium, the boy was eager to eat but first he had to wash the dishes... I don't know if those people are happy or not, they suffer but I can see in their faces resignation, I almost cry because many people are suffering and I, I'm dying in a glass of water...

Later, I sat in the main square, waiting for my sister, and there was a couple that were sitting next to me, the girl was crying and the boy was saying to stop crying... You know what? In that moment I regretted one thing of my former relation and it was that I cried a lot and I think my ex  boyfriend got tired of that... I regret having cried in front of him and now I realized that I used to cry for stupid things, I was afraid that we break up and what happened? Well, we did... Sometimes you don't have to waste your tears, nothing is forever...

Well, there is sadness in the world and there is joy in people's eyes, I know that life sometimes is unfair for some people...
Here you have a  video of Keane, I love this song, enjoy it!


Bianka

Quiet Sunday in pictures

My breakfast, I like to eat a bowl of oatmeal, it's healthy an keeps your stomach full until lunch.

As I was having my breakfast I was listening to one of the best bands in Bolivia: Mosa Nostra, they're great musicians and their first album is wonderful, you should listen to them.

 My red dress and my petticoat I know  the dress is a little bit wrinkled but I didn't have time to use the iron...Well, I hate to ironing :P

 My mom and my sister at the church

Me wearing the wrinkled red dress I took off the petticoat because it didn't look good.

 A picture of Gloria Swanson, my fashion icon and the book that I'm reading it's called The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble.

Don't loose hope, everybody are intelligent as Alejandro Jodorowsky said " How to be intelligent? You won't get the intelligence until you know that you have it"

Kiss the wind...

Bianka

I really love dresses!

I'm big fan of retro dresses and indie fashion. I like dresses that are unique and not expensive because I think it's a waste of money pay 3000 $us for a designer dress, I don't care if it's Dior or Chanel, I don't feel attracted on the big fashion trade marks, because we have to stop wasting money when there are poverty around the world and we have to support the indie fashion designers who have great potencial and we have to know what's their ideology, to protect the planet and offer their clothes in a reasonable price.

 So here you have some dresses that I love and I wont have it, because I don't live in the USA or Europe and I don't have money but someday I will be there and I'll see if I'll buy them or not. Dance and kiss in the foreheads!

Source: topshop.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: topshop.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: romwe.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: flickriver.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: modcloth.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Bianka on Pinterest

Bianka

The Killing Type

My friend Nona invited me to take a trip to La Paz, a beautiful high city, there are wonderful things there, the art movement is really big and you can enjoy everysingle weekend amazing concerts. Unfortunately I didn't traveled with her and her friends who are good people, I think, I'm a not too social and I'm a little bit surly with people I recently met, that's why I don't have many friends and sometimes I feel out of place when I'm at parties or social reunions. I didn't want to take that trip because I don't feel like I want to travel and have fun.

So I prefer to watch this video that really shocked me up, I really like it and the song is really catchy.

 I miss, I miss a lot but I have no hope to kiss in the eyes again...

Bianka

The deceased was a good human being

If you ask me what things I cherish with love and passion  I have to tell you that I keep two things: the first is a CD of The Mars Volta (the first album The loused in the comatorium) that was a gift from my dad when I finished highschool and the other is a collection of four books of my favorite writer Victor Hugo Viscarra, these were a gift from someone special to me and I will always appreciate him for such beautiful gifts. Victor HugoViscarra was a Bolivian writer, alcoholic but had one of the greatest sublime souls  in the world;  he made an art of writing his misfortunes, his everyday life as a social outcast, wrapped in a world of drugs without hope of anything not even have faith , suffering from cold, hunger, consoling himself with other unfortunates like him, living love from the cut faces kisses. When I read his books  I always end in shock and I realize I've been very blessed to live with people who love me and protect me, to have food and shelter and to have hope and dreams. Victor Hugo died of a fulminant cirrhosis in 2006, He always used to bring his writings to the bars, and places less acceptable  for the bolivian society, he died alone, without money and without God, he always said that God forgot about him and that truth leaves me speechless ... Victor Hugo Viscarra was a stranger  in life, and after his death his reputation began to grow, some say he kept a low profile and he didn't want to become attached to anyone. Victor Hugo Viscarra is one of the greatest exponents of Bolivian literature  if you  ever come to Bolivia and want to learn the language and learn more about the deaf side of Bolivian society, especially the city of La Paz, it is imperative to read the books that Viscarra wrote and  for people who are my countrymen and never read his writings, I invite you to be part of a brutal but exciting journey.

I have two rules to say before reading  Victor Hugo Viscarra books and those are: First remove all false morality of your heads and resist all stories despite the nightmares or wicked dreams you'll have.

Take a night walk and look at the beautiful stars.

Bianka

A wedding somewhat boring

I went to my cousin's wedding last saturday. The place was cute, the food was good but the band was horrible! It was the worst band I've ever heard in my life!! But besides the band thing, the wedding was boring, sometimes, when there are many expensive things, It takes the esence of the celebration.

I feel a little bit tired I don't know whay, and I want to sleep all the time, I need to eat more vegetables and healthy food.

I worn a pale pink dress in the wedding, I couldn't take a whole body  because neither my sister and I wanted to do anything, that's why I didn't write on the blog these days.

Look for inside peace, it's hard but not imposible.

Good music made in Bolivia

I really enjoy listenning to Lounna Dazz, he's wonderful dj, and his from city!! There are amazing musicians here in Bolivia, specially in Cochabamba, I'll show you later more Bolivian bands.

Listen to this song called Delha (Malala).

Have a wonderful month :)  

Bianka