Guys, the alcohol it's not my thing, I don't like to drink to have fun or become wild, I love to drink wine but sweet wine, and San Mateo but that's it. Yesterday one of my mom's friend daughter told me that I was waisting my time, that I need to have fun and drink. I look at her, she's 33 years old, she has a twin sister, and no boyfriend, she regrets having lost her 5 years ago boyfriend, she tells me every single time that I need to meet new people and have many boyfriends and stop being so bitter because, she says, she was like me...
First of all I don't drink too many alcohol when I go to parties ... Anyway, she said that she's desperate, she wants to have a relationship, she wants to have kids and she doesn't want to be alone...
Will I be like her? I hope not, I don't know if I'm going to live until that age, I even don't know what is going to happen tomorrow... I only know that I'll leave this world until I finish a project that is building piece by piece. You know, I always think about death, my own death and if it's up to me I would die this moment... But I think that I have something to leave here, something inmortal...Maybe, a girl, in the future, would read my words in old pages or in a website and she will feel comfortable having someone who had felt the same as she did... The same way like I feel about Stig Dagerman, a lovely writer, everytime that I read his work I think he's talking to me, he committed suicide...
I know, that is a kind of dark post, but it's my blog and I write what I want and let's admit it no one read this blog but I keep on writing it because it's the only way that I feel alive, writing about my contradictory world, full of misticsm, deities, revolutions and chaos.
And finally, I have to say that I lost hope... A bad hope.
Bianka
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